By Mary Debutante

Across Western’s campus, faculty, staff, and students have become fed-up with a glaring inefficiency: excessive, endless, and often counterproductive meetings. Whether virtual, in person, or hybrid, excessive meetings have become a scourge across Western’s beautiful campus, eating into the time available to complete actual work tasks.

To meet the demands of such a large issue, bold action is required. Thus, the university has
officially announced the creation of a massive, 60-plus member committee spanning across the university’s various departments, programs, and organizations, aimed at achieving peak efficiency for the many campus committees, estimated in the hundreds.

Western’s administrative officials admit the complete count of committees is yet unknown,
awaiting results from the Campus Committee Counting Committee. The new committee will meet thrice weekly, and involve the creation and regular reports of 16 different subcommittees, which include the Subcommittee for the Reduction of Time-Wasting Endeavors, the Subcommittee for the Examination of Existing Committees and the Exploration of Further Committee Creation, the Subcommittee for the Study of the Frequency of Committee Meetings on the Overall Effectiveness of Various Committees and last but not least,
the Subcommittee for Addressing the Impacts of Committee Meetings on Human Sanity.

The new Committee is anticipated to only increase the workload of the school’s strapped
administrators, faculty, and staff in the short run, with positive impacts and boosted efficiency anticipated to materialize over the long run. Many of Western’s key administrators are already so busy they are unable to tend to such mundane tasks like assisting students with academic services, advising, and completing so-called “essential” functionalities like major

Nevertheless, the new Committee’s importance cannot be overstated. Despite already overseeing three other campus committees, ornithologist and beloved university professor Dr. Mallard Magee! is committed to chairing the newly created campus

Students, while heavily encouraged to attend each Subcommittee, will of course be non-voting members.